Pre-Travel Preparations

I will leave on my voyage in just 7 short weeks.  As I am setting up this blog, I wonder at my own “intestinal fortitude” for being able to undertake such a trip.  On November 27, 2015, at 4:02pm, I love my soulmate, my lover, half of my self, when my dear husband, John, died.  For months before he left, I refused to wonder what it would be like without him.  The idea was just too painful.  He was a strong fighter, and wasn’t about to give in to the disease. Now, four months later, the pain has not lessened in the slightest.  While I put on a good front for everyone to see, inside I cry constantly for the part of me that is gone.  I miss him so very much, and I wonder often how I will make it alone.  Sure, there are those who say it will get better.  How can it, when I can’t hold him, kiss him, make him Vegemite on toast?

So, today I begin this blog.  I want to chronicle my voyage, my “grieving widow’s tour” as he used to call it.  I want to keep this place as a diary, if you will.  I want to make it a place where I can look back some day, and tell my beautiful grandchildren all about the time when I took Bamps home.  I love to travel, but I know this will be the hardest trip I have ever made.  And, no, I won’t be traveling alone.  John will be in the suitcase, around my neck, and, always, in my heart and soul.

Up to this point, I have researched my destinations and made my reservations.  I have read so much, i feel as if I have already been to many of the places I will visit. There will be so much new and different, but also wonderfully familiar when I arrive in Tamworth. I will grieve, but I will also work.  During this trip, I will be not only writing this blog, but working on my dissertation.  I will be Dr. Beckenham this year, something John was so very proud of.  Yes, a voyage of discovery and progress.  In a way, I can’t wait.  In a way, I am already there.  In a way, I can’t, but I will.  In a way.

April 19, 2016

This was John on our last trip to the Grand Canyon in Arizona.  The date is late July 2015.  I know he enjoyed himself, but it was such a long, difficult trip for him.  As I make my pre-travel preparations, I can’t help but think about the fact that I am planning for one. I am not afraid at all about traveling solo.  In fact, I am excited about the experiences I am anticipating having. It’s just the certain knowledge that at the end of my adventure, he won’t be there welcoming me home.  God, I miss him so much.

In preparation, I have purchased new luggage, a backpack, hiking boots, spent countless hours researching, procured flight/hotel/caravan reservations.  I can’t think of anything else there is to do!  I have clothing picked out, train schedules, crochet hooks and knitting needles.  Light-weight computer, mouse, flash drive, camera, SD cards, cell phone – check. Cat and dog food, food for the fish.  Peanuts for Percy.  All done.  Now it’s just a waiting game. Tick Tock.

April 21, 2016

49 more sleeps.  Today, as I sit in my classroom, I anticipate my future.  It will be an amazing adventure, to be sure.  I have so much to do before I go, and that will make the waiting more palatable. Bought a flashlight today.  Sleeping in a caravan will be an adventure all by itself, let alone getting out at night to use the loo.  OMG. maybe I should bring toilet paper.  So many things….

April 26, 2016

Yesterday I was thrilled to set up my son and girlfriend’s trip to meet me in Australia.  We will be having a wonderful time. Today is difficult.  I am excited about the trip, but there is a sadness over me today.  Counting the days is difficult. Counting the memories even more so.  My immediate future is filled with Robotics competition, the prom, singing engagements.  So much to do. As my dear friend Elsie said yesterday, work is my drug of choice.  As long as I keep working, I will keep going. She is right.  Onward and upward.

May 4, 2016

Today is my son’s birthday.  I am also a little over 1 month to go.  This is a very busy time, with countless robotics meets.  NTMA last weekend, Botball this weekend, Solar Boat next weekend.  Every moment is full between now and then.  I really want some down time, but I guess I will get it when I get on the plane.  I am so excited and full of anticipation.  14 more work days of school, and then finals.  Then…. “I’m Leavin’ on a Jet Plane”.

May 11, 2016

Less than a month to go.  30 more sleeps, as John would put it.  Lot’s of craziness with the end of school.  I am working hard to get everything done, make everyone happy.  John visited me yesterday  morning, with weirdness with the alarm clock, and then the one word: “Boo”.  I was having so much anxiety, and now I feel like a load has been lifted.  He always promised me he was going to hang around and haunt me, and I guess he’s “living” up to his word. I know he doesn’t want me to be sad.  It’s so damned difficult sometimes, but  have to keep strong for everyone who relies on me.

Visions of sandy beaches are almost constantly in the forefront of my mind.  I find myself “nesting”, trying to get everything at home prepared and ready for my long absence.  Doggy care is my biggest concern.  My Millie is so precious to me, and I am so worried about her.  To her,  she has lost her Dad, and I will be gone too, so it may seem like she’s lost Mommy too. there are so many wonderful friends who are stepping up to help out.  I really appreciate them. As the song says, “I can get by, with a little help from my friends.”

May 20, 2016

Wow!  Time is flying by.  Today I buy my backpack.  Things are working out pretty good, with friends offering to help with Millie and watch the house.  Michelle, John’s oldest child, is going to be organizing a “pub crawl” while I’m in Tamworth.  I am so excited.  I have heard so much about her amazing adventures, and now I get to participate in one!  It’s “fancy dress”, or dress however you fancy.  I am trying to find something garish and annoyingly American. I leave 3 weeks from today, and I just can’t wait.

May 24, 2016

Last day of classes.  Onward to finals.  The trip is so close now, I can’t wait!  My students have been so sweet, and they are excited to head out on their own adventures. This is going to be an amazing summer!

June 3, 2016

I leave in one week.  I am so excited.  School is over, and I am in the process of packing up my room and closing out the year.  My suitcase is already partially packed, and I am sorting out what to put in my backpack.  I am so ready for this amazing adventure to get started.  I will be leaving my car with a friend, and taking the train to the airport (via Union Station and a Flyaway bus).  I am checking the weather reports in Fiji daily.  They just had a world surfing tournament there!  7 more sleeps and I’m on the road!

June 10, 2016

As I write this, I am sitting at gate 132  LAX. TSA check in wasn’t bad at all.  It took about 25 minutes.  I was expecting horrendous lines, but everyone was moving quickly and pleasantly.  Wow, has Bradley changed? John and I used to get here early, and wind up at the McDonalds upstairs with  our orange juice and vodka.  No, the upstairs is TSA, and the whole thing has changed.  It’s pretty impressive looking, but really different from my experiences with John.  I am keeping to myself.  Not chatting at all.  Just sitting waiting now for the flight.  They haven’t called my name, so I guess the bag went through!  John is somewhere beneath me waiting to be loaded onto the plane.  Sorry, old fella, super economy for you!!!